EPISODE 45: THE CUSTODY ISSUE

We just said goodbye to our Taiwanese exchange student boarder. It has been quite an experience... We were landed with a very unusual situation where his mum was in town and wanted him to stay with her and visit her own host family.

This was where the lines of custody were tried. Firstly, we had committed to EQI (Education Queensland International) and the school to take care of this boy during his stay in Gold Coast. Then when his mum appears on the scene and claims she has every right to take him back to her own place, we are caught in between. We were fine if she wanted to drop by and visit him occasionally. We were worried that should anything happen to him during his time with his mum, we would be liable and we wanted a black and white written consent to cover ourselves. Unfortunately, his Taiwanese tour agency tried to bypass the system by telling the school he was just arranging a 'visit'to his mum but never mentioning that she was planning to have him stay overnight at her host's place. So, the school then gave their ok. This was a very controversial issue because who would then be accountable for his safety? The other host family or her or us? So, we refused to budge until she had written consent. She kept pressuring the tour agency to speak to the school coordinator. We were really stressed because we were getting these phone calls from 'unofficial' parties to release him. In the end, his tour rep as well as the mum called and said they had spoken to the school authorities and the mum told me she would like me to drop the boy off at her campus where she was studying so she could bring him home for 2 nights. I said, sure, as long as official green light was given.

But then to be sure, we decided we'd better check back with the school on this arrangement. The school knew of no such thing about staying overnight and told me to hold on. I supposed certain parties were then embarassed by this issue. We had en email by the tour company apologizing for the episode and promising it won't happen again cc'ed to the Queensland authorities. However, subsequently, these episodes still went on, with the mum pushing for his visit to her house, and him also wanting to stay overnight with his other friends' homestay parents. It was just so trying to explain to him that we had to follow protocols. He said the other boys were doing so, and staying with other families. His mum also rang again to ask to meet him. By this time, we were really feeling bad about the situation.

We rang the tour company boss and told her about these requests. She sounded like we were at fault and hinted that we were too rigid with following by the book and that this had never happened to her before. It was never an issue with other people. But then again,this was clearly a unique situation. Who would have thot his mum is in town and made such requests? And if she (the tour company) had gotten away in the past making informal arrangements like these, we are sorry to have been the 'bad guys' to bring all this to light.

At the bottom of this issue, lies also the fact that if you wanted your child to be part of a host family program, and to fully assimilate here, it would not help at all by letting him know mummy is around, tell mummy if you want to be with me. All this molly coddling defeats the whole purpose of sending your kid overseas for a different cultural independent experience.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the woman finally got her son to stay with her for the last 3 nights of his Gold Coast stay. They fly off tomorrow on Sunday. We had to ask him to pack and release him back to the school and her. It was a very unpleasant situation and I think all parties felt very awkward and upset about it. Of course I never mentioned to the school authorities of the few 'unofficial' visits the tour agency made to our home as well as the mum to inspect his bedroom. It was just sheer insult to us that it appeared as if we were not giving him proper accommodations and living amenities.

We later got feedback that his mum complained we didn't include him as part of family living-... I mean, GIMME a break! Am I expected to bring your son to theme parks, supermarkets everyday after school or something? We had TV watching Masterchef almost every evening with him (which he enjoyed), took him to the church, the beach, McDonald's, made him feel at home as much as we could,cooked lamb for him because he loved it, made sure his lunch had stuff he would like to eat,even tried to get him to play with neighbourhood boys soccer, BUT he just wasn't interested... and all we got was this very expressionless look on his face, no sign of gratitude,interest to assimilate, not even a please or thank you, no effort to help in the house. I even did his laundry after he left (not to mention all the unmentionables I had to scrub off his underwear each time.) and handed them to him the following day. Well, if this is how Taiwanese people bring up their sons, I am sorry for the whole generation of them and their wives when they eventually marry....

Anyway, the school was very apologetic that this had to happen to us and felt we had done the right thing to inform them. So, that at least was our vindication for this issue. I did raise the point that we were concerned if the mum was not thinking we could give her son the 'real aussie family' experience, and she asserted that Australia is a multicultural country and the homestay should reflect that, not just white families...

Well, for now, I wash Taiwan off my hands and homestay probably for a very long, long time. Once bitten, twice shy. Twice bitten, surely die....