HAPPY DINING....

Of late, it has come to my attention that there is such a thing as “Cakeage” being charged in restaurants in Gold Coast these days. Used to be just for “Corkage” in BYO restaurants and that was fine. But nowadays cakeage may be charged in certain restaurants when you bring your own cake and eat it there. They basically charge you for storing it in chiller, taking it out to serve and giving you clean spoons and dessert plates to go with it. A$2.50 per person average charge. Some people are crying foul over it. This is one good example of how you can't have your cake and eat it too..

Now, what then if the restaurants wanted to make some more money off you and insisted you use more stuff of theirs instead of bringing your own? You would then have to shelve out fees for:-

Drinkage : any other types of liquids apart from wines or champagnes or beer...

Mintage : We got a range of nice branded mints available at our snack counter, sir."

Chewing gumage: " Please feel free to pick up any brand from our cashier's display shelf of goodies//"

Bandage: if you're bringing your own Ipod and they don't get to charge you for renting theirs.

Broadbandage: if you're using your own mobile modem versus theirs and it ain't Starbucks or Zaraffa's...

Milkage: "Ahem, Ma'am we have boxed milk for your kids, you know... It's only $2 per carton..."

OK, finally this is a more straightforward one and nothing to do with bringing your own- I believe some places already charge for these:

Breakage of seats, tables, plates bowls or glasses

Wastage : for stuffing your face silly at a buffet and leaving too much leftovers on your plate when you are finally about to puke...(some restaurants in Malaysia can and will charge you for this based on weight!!- say $5 per 100g leftover!!)

THE BEST SAMURAI

SORRY, HAD BEEN SWATTING TOO MANY FLIES LATELY, BUT THIS JOKE I JUST COULDN'T RESIST.... Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!" Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around. The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?" And the Jewish samurai replies, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised."

ORIGINAL BRAND OF HUMOUR, JORDAN-STYLE

Humour is what keeps you alive & going and sane. I love my little boy's humour, he has developed his own brand while growing up. Here are some examples:

~ When he was 4, I peeped into the toilet and asked, "well are you done poo-ing?" He says, "Yes sir, yes sir, 3 bags full."

~ Mum: "Hey what is that brown spot on the toilet floor?" Jordan: "I don't know but it sure looks like Tasmania..."

Your 2nd grand auntie will be visiting soon. She's from this town called Muar. He puckers up his lips for a smacker kiss , "You mean MU-AH!!"

Reading about Old Testament prophets, there was this prophet called Obadiah who went around prophesying doom for disobedience. My son says if in Malaysia, his name will be pronounced in threatening tone as "Obey or Die-ah?"

"Hey, what's this plate made of, is it ceramic?' ...."No it's melamine."

" Oh, what, it's made of 'never mind'? ..guess it won't break .."

When we saw this cute long dog with short legs walking on the street, I told him that it was a dacshund breed pronounced 'dag shend'.

"I think you should just call it a dog sausage." he replied.

He misspelt Happy Father's day in his card as Happy 'Fart'-her's Day. When mistake was pointed out, he said that as far as he was concerned, both were absolutely relevant for his dad!!??

ONE SCREW LOOSE

Nope, this event wasn't about mental illness, but it did have some anxiety involved. This happened some nights ago, when my mum was cooking dinner, I noticed my spatula's screw was missing.

Yikes, could it have gone into the food? My guess was it went into the stir-fried vege and so everyone was alerted to please spit it out in case it ended up in their mouths. Sure enough, we spotted it during dinner, nicely tucked away amidst broccoli & carrots...

That was a close one, ...definitely won't make extra fibre, this loose screw...

Jordan became really busy after dinner trying to screw it back on. Hands off everybody, handiman at work.....

THAT HANGING THANG...

Saw this funny thang or shall I say thong? at Tugun beach on the way back from the airport one morning after dropping off a friend.... swim trunks hanging from a tree, great way to airdry. ...somebody 'plucked' off theirs and decided the tree was the best hanger in the beach area....

THE COMMON DEFINITION OF AGE

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m four and a half!’ You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m gonna be 16!’ You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life .. You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; ‘I Was JUST 92.’

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. ‘I’m 100 and a half!’

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

KEVIN RUDD: THE CHINA-SAVVY PM

Not many people have actually heard the Australian prime minister speak mandarin. I found this VIDEO clip and he is amazingly good at it, better than even some chinese! Speaking chinese you have learnt is one thing, but cracking jokes the chinese locals can understand shows he can pull it off and good...not many angmoh political leaders can do this...definitely one of his kind. Watch & be amazed..

GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY LAUGHS

THIS IS A COMPILATION OF CHURCH BULLETINS WITH HILARIOUS TYPOS/BLOOPERS. MY ABSOLUTE FAVE IS THE BAPTISM bit....SO... BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY AND PRINT...IT CAN SEND PEOPLE INTO STITCHES.....

* Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

* Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

* The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

* Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

* Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

* The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

* Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

MISSHTIAK !!

Ok, I admit, Jordie is cute. The hilarious part was I contacted his piano teacher yesterday about his piano exam results. She said he had passed with merit. That's GREAT! Considering he told me he had made some mistakes during the exam. So... I shouted the good news to my son upstairs, "JORDAN, guess what, you got merit!" SILENCE. Then he shouts back, "I got married to who?" No, I laughed. Not to who, you got merit for your piano exams He said, " Oh, you mean I'm supposed to get married to my piano, like that?" HYSTERICAL, I was rolling on the floor...